哈佛大学本科生录取文书长什么样？

Successful Harvard Essay: Yukta

Garishly lined with a pearlescent lavender, my eyes idly scanned the haphazard desk in front of me, settling on a small kohl. I packed the ebony powder into my waterline with a shaky hand, wincing at the fine specks making their way into my eyes.

我的眼睛懒洋洋地扫视着面前那张杂乱无章的桌子，盯着一个小kohl。我用颤抖的手把乌木粉装进水线。细粉进入我眼睛的，我龇牙皱眉。

The palette's colors bore in, the breadth of my imagination interwoven into now-brittle brushes.

The girl in the mirror seemed sharper, older, somehow. At only 12, I was relatively new to the powders and blushes that lined my birthday makeup kit, but I was determined to decipher the deep splashes of color that had for so long been an enigma to me.

镜子里的女孩不知怎么的似乎更敏锐，更老了。在我12岁的时候，我对我生日化妆包里的粉末和腮红还比较陌生，但我决心破解长期以来对我来说一直是个谜的颜色的深深的粉饰。

After school involved self-inflicted solitary confinement, as I shut myself in my bedroom to hone my skills. The palette’s colors bore in, the breadth of my imagination interwoven into now-brittle brushes. Much to my chagrin, my mom walked in one day, amused at my smudged lipstick, which congealed on the wispy hairs that lined my upper lip.

放学后，我把自己关在卧室里磨练自己的技能时，如同被单独监禁了。调色板的颜色融入其中，我想象力的广度交织成了现在脆弱的画笔。令我非常沮丧的是，有一天，我妈妈走进来，对我弄脏的口红感到好笑，它凝结在我上唇的稀疏毛发上。

“Halloween already?” she asked playfully.

“已经过万圣节了？”她开玩笑地问道。

I flushed in embarrassment as she got to work, smoothing my skin with a brush and filling the gaps in my squiggly liner. Becoming a makeup aficionado was going to take some help.

当她开始工作时我尴尬地脸红了，用刷子把我的皮肤刷光滑，填补了我歪歪扭扭的眼线上的空隙。我要成为化妆达人还是需要一些帮助的。

“What’s this even made of?” I asked, transfixed by the bright powder she was smattering on my cheeks.

“这是什么做的？”我问道，被她洒在我脸颊上的亮粉惊呆了。

“You know, I’m not sure,” she murmured. “Maybe you should find out.”

“你知道，我不确定，”她低声说。“也许你应该知道。”

I did.

我真的去做了。

Hours down the internet rabbit hole, I learned that the shimmery powder was made of mica, a mineral commonly used in cosmetics. While the substance was dazzling, its production process was steeped in humanitarian violations and environmental damage. Determined to reconcile my burgeoning love for makeup with my core values, I flung the kit into the corner of my drawer, vowing to find a more sustainable alternative. Yes, I was every bit as dramatic as you imagine it.

几个小时后，我上网GOOGLE了解到这种闪闪发光的粉末是由云母制成的，云母是一种常用于化妆品的矿物。虽然这种物质令人眼花缭乱，但其生产过程却充满了违反人道主义和破坏环境的行为。我决心调和我对化妆品日益增长的热爱和我的核心价值观，于是把套装扔到抽屉的角落里，发誓要找到一种更可持续的替代品。是的，我和你想象的一样富有戏剧性。

Now 17, I approach ethical makeup with assured deliberation. As I glance at my dusty kit, which still sits where I left it, I harken back on the journey it has taken me on. Without the reckoning that it spurred, makeup would still simply be a tool of physical transformation, rather than a catalyst of personal growth.

现年17岁的我，在对待道德构成时有着坚定的思考。当我瞥一眼我那尘土飞扬的工具包时，我想起它带给我的旅程。如果没有它的刺激，化妆仍然只是身体转变的工具，而不是个人成长的催化剂。

Now, each swipe of eyeliner is a stroke of my pen across paper as I write a children’s book about conscious consumerism. My flitting fingers programmatically place sparkles, mattes, and tints across my face in the same way that they feverishly move across a keyboard, watching algorithms and graphs integrate into models of supply chain transparency.

Makeup has taught me to be unflinching, both in self-expression and my expectations for the future. I coat my lips with a bold sheen, preparing them to form words of unequivocal urgency at global conferences and casual discussions.

I see my passion take flight, emboldening others to approach their own reckonings, uncomfortable as they may be. I embark on a two-year journey of not buying new clothes in a statement against mass consumption and rally youth into a unified organization.

We stand together, picking at the gritty knots of makeup, corporate accountability, and sustainability as they slowly unravel.

现在，当我写一本关于自觉消费的儿童读物时，每画一笔眼线笔都是我在纸上的一笔。我的手指以编程的方式在脸上涂抹闪光、哑光和色调，就像它们在键盘上狂热地移动一样，看着算法和图形融入供应链透明度模型。

化妆教会了我要坚定不移，无论是在自我表达还是对未来的期望上。

我在嘴唇上涂上大胆的光泽，准备在全球会议和非正式讨论中形成明确的紧迫感。我看到我的激情在燃烧，鼓励其他人接近自己的想法，尽管他们可能会感到不舒服。我开始了为期两年的不买新衣服的旅程，以反对大规模消费，并将年轻人团结成一个统一的组织。

我们站在一起，在化妆、企业问责制和可持续性的棘手问题上慢慢推进。

Deep-rooted journeys of triumph and tribulation are plastered across the surface of my skin — this paradox excites me.

I’m not sure why makeup transfixes me. Perhaps it’s because I enjoy seeing my reveries take shape. Yukta, the wannabe Wicked Witch of the West, has lids coated with emerald luster and lips of coal. Yukta, the Indian classical dancer, wields thick eyeliner and bright crimson lipstick that allow her expressions to be amplified across a stage. Deep-rooted journeys of triumph and tribulation are plastered across the surface of my skin — this paradox excites me.

我不知道为什么化妆会让我着迷。也许是因为我喜欢看到我的幻想成形。Yukta，一个想成为西方邪恶女巫的人，有着祖母绿光泽的眼睑和煤炭般的嘴唇。Yukta，这位印度古典舞者，挥舞着厚厚的眼线笔和鲜艳的深红色口红，让她的表情在舞台上放大。深深植根于胜利和磨难的旅程涂抹在我的皮肤表面——这个悖论让我兴奋。

Perhaps I am also drawn to makeup because as I peel back the layers, I am still wholly me. I am still the young girl staring wide-eyed at her reflection, earnestly questioning in an attempt to learn more about the world. Most importantly, I still carry an unflagging vigor to coalesce creativity and activism into palpable change, one brushstroke at a time.

也许我也被化妆所吸引，因为当我揭开层层面纱时，我仍然是我自己。我仍然是那个瞪大眼睛凝视着自己倒影的年轻女孩，认真地提问，试图了解更多关于这个世界的信息。最重要的是，我仍然保持着不懈的活力，将创造力和行动主义结合成明显的变化，一笔一笔。

Professional Review by Prepory

This student takes a household item as common as makeup to build a narrative that is as universally accessible as it is unique. This object is inflected with facets of both her personal and cultural identity that give the reader immediate contact with the student’s personality.

She takes us on a sweeping journey through her investigation of the world around her, and embarks on a coming-of-age story without losing sight of the essay’s main topic. This student strikes a balance between the narrative and creative writing elements that are integral to successful personal statements.

The writer gives us glimpses of insight into her personal development across multiple years, using makeup as a medium for self-reflection and discovery. She masterfully leverages the colors and elements of her makeup collection to craft vivid descriptions, situating imagery as the cornerstone of this essay’s approach and success.

She takes up an object so easily tied to consumerism and superficiality and uses it to champion the societal and ethical battles for which she advocates.

We also see that the writer of this essay has a clearly defined voice. While many students struggle with the temptation to elevate their writing through ornamentation, this writer is able to maneuver a vibrant writing style that remains engaging, rhythmic and measured.

Through each moment of this essay, we learn what the author cares about: conscious consumerism, creativity, and activism; we also learn how she thinks: curiosily, selflessly, and with feminist undertones.

The opening sentences of this essay employ a successful strategy for personal statement writing, rich with adjectives detailing a small scene, that is expanded upon to make a larger commentary about the author and where she stands in society.

Last, the student’s essay compliments her larger admissions profile in which the reader learns about years of advocacy, sustainable practices, and intentions to positively impact her community.

这个学生用一种像化妆品一样常见的家居用品来构建一种既普遍又独特的叙事。这个对象受到她的个人和文化身份的影响，使读者能够立即接触到学生的个性。

她带我们踏上了一段全面的旅程，对她周围的世界进行了调查，并开始了一个成长故事，同时又不忘文章的主题。这个学生在叙事和创造性写作元素之间取得了平衡，这些元素是成功的个人陈述PS不可或缺的。

这位作家用化妆作为自我反思和发现的媒介，让我们看到了她多年来的个人发展。她巧妙地利用化妆品系列中的颜色和元素进行了生动的描述，将图像作为本文方法和成功的基石。

她拿起一个很容易与消费主义和肤浅联系在一起的东西，并用它来支持她所倡导的社会和道德斗争。

我们还看到，这篇文章的作者有一个明确的声音。尽管许多学生都在努力通过装饰来提升自己的写作水平，但这位作家能够驾驭一种充满活力的写作风格，这种风格仍然引人入胜、有节奏、有分寸。

通过这篇文章的每一刻，我们了解到作者关心的是什么：有意识的消费主义、创造力和激进主义；我们还了解了她的思考方式：好奇、无私、带有女权主义色彩。

这篇文章的开头句子采用了一种成功的个人陈述写作策略，充满了详细描述一个小场景的形容词，并对作者及其在社会中的地位进行了更大的评论。

最后，这位学生的文章赞扬了她更大的招生档案，读者在其中了解了多年的倡导、可持续实践以及对社区产生积极影响的意图。