「达师杯」高考作文征文回顾-翰林国际教育

9月14日，为期一个月的第一届“达师杯”高考作文英语作文征文比赛落下了帷幕，接下来为大家从头开始揭露比赛背后故事。

经过一系列的激烈讨论，比赛提案通过最终审核，市场部的小哥哥小姐姐们积极投入宣传的准备工作当中。另一方面，为了确保比赛的公平公正，主办方达师的活动负责老师也在第一时间火速联系上了各位文学专业的写作达人评委们。

征文比赛报名正式开始，红彤彤的宣传海报一出，浏览量分分钟达到上百，各位老师、家长和学生纷纷转发至朋友圈。与此同时，报名人数也在蹭蹭蹭地上升，参赛者来自于全国各地，报名人数十分可观。

通过微信公众号填表报名 ---> 确认报名拉群 ---> 为了个人隐私分了7、8个微信大群进行题目投递，本场赛事的小助手们忙得不亦乐乎。

本次征文比赛的题目终于揭开了神秘的面纱。主办方达师共挑选了5个作文题供大家随意挑选。其中，选择江苏卷的人数占到整个比赛参赛人数的40%，而相对较有挑战性的的全国 I 卷则也出乎意料地有几位参赛者选择，当然也有不少学生挑战了英文演讲稿和主持稿的写作，勇气可嘉！

到了征文比赛截稿的日子，小助手看到邮箱里塞满的征文颇感欣慰，将每份处理过后，接下来就到了随机分发给评委老师们的时候了。7位评审每位都几乎拿到了厚厚一沓匿名的征文稿件，以10分为满分的标准给作文打分，开始了为期2周的评选阶段。

在从所有评委那儿收集到所有的评分之后（也收到了不少认真的评语），小助手们又开始忙碌了起来，总结评分，为最后的比赛结果公示做着最后的努力。在11日下午，比赛结果热腾腾地出炉！

由于比赛人数出乎意料，除了海报上设立的金奖1名、创意奖1名以及提名奖2名之外，临时决定为前10的参赛选手颁发参与奖的奖状，以表鼓励！

接下来，小助手摘取了部分评委对学生参赛征文的点评，给大家康康在幕后，各位评委们是如何认真公正的打分的哟。

《Two generation’s opinions on children’s life orientation and direction of children’s growth》

评语 #1：本文结构、思路都很清晰，论据结合了真实事件与个人经历来为自己的观点提供支撑，来源多样，让文章更有说服力。作者结合当下新闻及广为人知的事件，比较了两种关系模式，让读者能感受到文章的相关性，并进一步总结了为达到理想的亲子关系需要考虑的三个方面。相较而言，结尾写得比较仓促，可以适当总结个人观点并提出建议。如果继续润色文章，可以尝试运用更复杂的句式和词汇，并写一个更完整、更有力的结尾。

评语 #2：Parental influence and the environment that is provided to their child as they grow up shapes the individual they become. Conversations about family dynamics have been consistent through the centuries, and we are still left questioning what is the right way to raise a child, as if a singular, straightforward answer exists. “Two generation’s opinions on children’s life orientation and direction of children’s growth” explores a situation of how to reconcile differing expectations. The writer skillfully uses anecdotes to illustrate the severity of the issue, as well as introduce an example of an ideal relationship balance. The problem, which is truly pervasive, often has unintended consequences if children feel they must meet parental expectations, no matter the costs. Drawing on personal experiences to support their argument emphasizes the universal, stubborn persistence of this problem, and simultaneously prompts the reader to think back on their own life - and for those who are parents, perhaps it serves as a call to reflect on the expectations they have for their children. Overall, a very thoughtfully written and heartfelt work.

评语 #1：This is an insightful comparative analysis of Bao Shuya and Guan Zhong, one pair of most devoted friends in history. Rather than dwell on a superficial "which historical figure was a better friend/politican" discussion, this essay examines the multifaceted personalities and deeds that made the two unique and inspiring in their own ways. In terms of language, the subjunctive mood was properly used, as the author makes several hypothetical what could have happened back then--this has been especially challenging to many high school students. Well done overall!

文章结构清晰，开头简洁描述了互联网算法推送现象，主题详细描述了自己作为b站用户上传视频的有趣经历。美中不足在于结尾没有对开头提出的话题进行回应，例如，“with further sophisticated algorithm, recommendations on the Internet become even more precise", 可以想一想接下来的故事与此类现象的联系，并在结尾加入一些对个人经历的反思或感想。

本文以演讲稿的形式写成，由提问（When do people start using their trampoline?）自然地引入对昆明的介绍，并且精炼地从不同方向进行了介绍。文章考虑到目的观众与说话者的角色，采用了适当的语气和表述，整体一致性把握得比较好。

Very good storytelling. The reader is easily able to understand the premise of the movie, as well as empathize with the main characters. The personal experiences are also quite relatable! I would’ve loved to see more in the latter p, as it would help establish an even deeper connection~

文章表明了作者本人的观点，并以一部电影为例，总结了电影情节及它与观点的联系。可以加强对电影的分析，更深入地讨论从电影中获得的启发，也可以在谈及个人经历时，更具体地描述自己面对的问题和解决的过程。另外，文章从一个大的议题开始，走向具体的例子，最后联系到个人，可以思考是否尝试运用不同的写作结构和顺序（如，从个例连接到更广泛的议题），来使文章前后有呼应、更有说服力。

Overall a well-written, concise, yet comprehensive summary of a key problem that technology brings. It does not condemn any thing or person, but rather explores a solution that starts with awareness and action on an individual basis, meaning as a reader, we are all able to take action.