做恒温器家长|清华附中国际部第十三期家长学校回顾

Oct 11｜ 第13期家长学校

10月11日，在清华附中培训中心二层会议室，70多位国际部的家长如约而至，共同参与家长学校第十三期讲座。本期讲座聚焦家长自身，探讨亲子关系中的情绪管理和有效沟通这两大问题。通常这也是家长们最感头疼的两件事。主讲嘉宾陈开航老师通过理论和实战的串讲，给家长们上了内容丰富的一堂自我成长课程。听课家长们反应热烈，纷纷表示学到了很多的干货，期待马上回家就开始实操。

On October 11, more than 70 parents from THIS came to the conference room on the second floor of THIS Training Center to participate in the thirteenth lecture of Parent School. This lecture focused on parents themselves and explored emotional management and effective communication, the two major issues that parents feel most headache about in the relationships with their children. Ms. Chen Kaihang, the guest speaker, gave parents a rich self-development course with emphasis on both theoretical and practical aspects of these concepts. Parents responded warmly and said they had learned a lot of practical skills. They looked forward to putting them into practice at home soon.

1情绪管理

Emotional Management

讲座分为三大部分。首先针对亲子沟通中的情绪问题，开航老师提出了“要做恒温器家长，不做温度计家长”的倡议。基于脑神经科学的发现，开航老师帮助家长们认识到家长自身的情绪和行为会极大地影响孩子的情绪和行为（“镜像神经元”）。

The lecture consisted of threeparts. Firstly, in terms of the emotional problems in parent-child communication, Ms. Chen put forward the proposal "to be a thermostat parent, not a thermometer parent". Based on brain research and neuroscience findings, Ms. Chen helped parents realize that parents' own emotions and behaviors can greatly affect their children's emotions and behaviors in the following ways.

1孩子需要的是回应(Response)和情感反映(Reflection)，而不是我们的反应(React)

Children need Responses and Reflections, not Reactions.

2孩子的情绪不是我们的情绪，我们的行为和情绪不需要跟着他们的升级

Children's emotions are not parents’ emotions, the behaviors and emotions of parents should not be influenced by their children.

3有控制的家长是恒温器，失控的家长是温度计

Parents with self-control are like thermostats, parents who are emotionally out-of-control are like thermometers.

4作为家长，要允许自己因为孩子的事情而有情绪。没有人是完美的，是人都会犯错，犯错不要紧，但是在犯错之后接下来做什么这一点才是重要的。

Parents should allow themselves to make mistakes when handling children's affairs. No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. It is OK to make a mistake, but what to do next after making mistakes is very important.

5家长应当成为孩子情绪管理和调节方面的一个榜样

Parents should be an example interms of emotion regulation andmanagement.

2有效沟通

EffectiveCommunication

在学习了情绪管理理论后，讲座进入第二部分，即实战方法的讲授。针对亲子沟通，开航老师向家长们介绍了两种非常有效的方法，“反映性回应法”和“三步设限法”。

After learning the theory of emotional management, the lecture entered the second part: practical skills. Ms. Chen introduced two effective methods of parent-child communication "Reflective Response Method" and "Three-Step Boundary Setting Method".

反映性回应法

Reflective ResponseMethod

反映性回应法的目的是帮助家长走进孩子的内心世界，从而与孩子建立起更亲密的亲子关系。当家长“回应”（不是“反应”）孩子的情绪时，亲子关系就拉近了，而关系越好，孩子越顺服家长的引导。

Reflective Response Method can help parents enter their children's inner world and to establish closer relationship with them. When parents "respond" (not"react") to their children's emotions, the parent-child relationship can grow more intimate. The better the parent-child relationship is, the more likely the child will be to follow their parents’ guidance.

三步设限法

Three-Step Boundary SettingMethod

三步设限法旨在帮助家长为孩子设立健康的界限，达到有效沟通的目的。家长和孩子间经常因为设立界限问题而发生矛盾，最终陷入没完没了的辩论或者演变成为一场不欢而散的战争。三步设限法的第一步要求家长运用反映性回应法，首先确认孩子的感受和需求。第二步沟通明确的界限。最后一步提供家长和孩子都能够接受的替代选择。

The Three-Step Boundary Setting Method can help parents set reasonable boundaries for their children and to achieve the goal of effective communication. Parents and children frequently have conflicts over boundaries, as a result, fall into endless debates or pointless quarrels, leaving both feeling wounded and unhappy. The first step of Three-Step Boundary Setting Method is to use the Reflective Response Method to confirm children's feelings and needs. Then parents are suggested to set clear boundaries through communication in the second step, and finally parents could provide alternatives which are acceptable to them and their children.

3实际运用

Applications

在两种方法介绍完毕后，开航老师带领与会家长进行了实战演练。每名家长都假设自己是一名在训的学员，要把老师刚才教授的两种方法在实际的亲子互动情境中运用出来。开航老师对家长的现场表演进行了点评，经过这样的演练，理论变成了实践，家长们对两种方法的原理的理解更加牢固，也增强了实操的信心。

After introducing the two methods, parents were invited to conduct a drill where they applied the two methods to real parent-child interaction situations. After practicing, parents gained a more solid understanding of the two methods, and they became more confident in the application of the two theories.

4家长反馈

Parents’ Feedbacks

陈老师的讲座使我懂得了控制情绪的重要，以及一些很实用的控制情绪的方法。

Ms. Chen's lecture taught me the importance of controlling my own emotions and some practical methods of emotion regulation.

学习了很多概念：镜像、共情，三步设限法等等。今天明确了三步设限法的内容和具体操作，回家就可以操练。

Very rewarding! I learnt mirror neuron, empathy, Three-Step Boundary Setting, and so on. Can’t wait to practice them at home.

今天学习到当孩子有情绪时，首先家长的情绪要平静，才能帮助孩子。学到了具体可实践的方法，非常受益!Today I learned that when children have emotions, parents should first be calm so as to help them. Plus, the practical methods are very beneficial!

讲座中家长们深深感受到开航老师的专业功底和文化理解力，以及她作为一名学校心理咨询老师对孩子和家长们的深切爱心。家长们满怀感恩，感谢学校提供了这样一个宝贵的学习机会。也特别期待开航老师在第十四期家长学校中与家长分享下一个话题。

During the lecture, parents were deeply impressed by the professional background and the cultural understanding of Ms. Chen. As the Primary Counselor, Ms. Chen deeply loves her students and keeps contact with parents. Parents are grateful to the school for providing such a valuable learning opportunity for them. They are also looking forward to attending the next lecture of Parent School.

第十四期家长学校报名通道已经开启！

The 14th Parent School Registration Channel is open!

讲座时间：11月1日13:30-15:00

Time: 13:30-15:00 on Nov 1st, 2019

讲座地点：清华附中培训楼二层会议室

Venue: conference room on the second floor of THIS Training Center

讲座主题：做七十二变的成长型家长

Topic: Being a Growing Parent

主讲人：陈开航

Speaker：Kaihang Chen

讲座内容 | Content

不同年龄孩子的发展特点

The characteristics of children in different ages.

家长如何适应孩子在不同年龄阶段的变化和需要

How do parents adapt to the changes and needs of their children in different ages?

怎么和不同年龄的孩子谈自我保护

How to talk about self-protection with children of different ages?

怎么和不同年龄的孩子谈论责任和爱

How to talk about responsibility and love with children of different ages?

怎么和不同年龄的孩子谈论他们成长中的烦恼

How to talk with children of different ages about their growing pains

怎么帮助不同年龄的孩子处理好他们在学校和同学之间的关系

How to help children of different ages deal with their relationship with classmatesat school?

关于主讲人

陈开航，是一位中英双语心理咨询师，也是一位经过专业训练的、以儿童为中心的游戏治疗师，现任清华附中国际部心理辅导老师。开航在北京出生和长大，美国范德堡大学硕士毕业，专攻学校心理咨询专业，本科她毕业于中国人民大学，后赴美留学。因为在中美两国的学习和生活经历，她希望能成为沟通中西文化的桥梁，帮助学生在不同文化中自由游走，她在学校里既是孩子们的大朋友，也是他们的支持者，开航还和其他老师以及家长们密切合作，帮助学生在学校和生活中成为最好的自己。

Kaihang Chen is a bilingual counselor and a professional child-centered therapist. She works as a school counselor at THIS. Kaihang is born and raised in Beijing. She studied school counseling at the United States and graduated with a master degree from Vanderbilt University. She got her bachelor degree from Renmin University of China. Because of her education and working experiences in both America and China, she is willing to bridge the western and eastern culture and help her students to be free in different cultures. She enjoys her role as an advocator and adult friend for the children in the building.At THIS, Kaihang works closely with teachers and parents to help all the students meet their full potentials not only at school but also in their life.