不是所有的NO背后都需要解释原因

It’s been one week since decisions were released for the 2023s, and one week and a year since the 2022s got in or didn’t; two years and a week from 2021 adMITs, and I got into MIT three years and one week ago. The time has gone by so quickly that I can’t even think of a good metaphor for it. Instead enjoy this large photo of my very small dog, who is waiting on me to come home.I have mostly avoided going into detail on here about getting admitted, because I think it’s not that great of a story. A good admissions story would be likeI told my dad about the Johns Hopkins rejection, and he was mad on my behalf. He’s never applied to college, but he was sure that I was a great candidate for whatever school I applied to so the rejection didn’t make sense. “I want to know why,” he said, before telling me to call the Johns Hopkins admissions office and ask them why they rejected me. I didn’t. I had already gotten into MIT at that point, so I felt sufficiently validated and did not see the point in keeping that rejected feeling alive. That and I really don’t like talking on the phone with strangers. I didn’t tell my parents about the other rejections.

Since then I’ve thought a lot about this concept of WHY.⁠You can see WHYs in every stage of admissions grief:Denial: WHY wouldn’t they accept me? It’s meant to be. They must have gotten something wrong. This has got to be a joke.Anger: WHY the hell would they tell me no?

Bargaining: Please, God, WHY would you let this happen to me? You know I would have done anything to get in, and still would.

Depression: WHY am I not good enough for them?

Acceptance:It doesn’t really matter WHY. This is reality now. Okay.

I’m in my third year here at MIT, and I’ve grown up a lot. One of breakthroughs that I’ve had is understanding that a lot of NOs are not followed by WHYs.⁠

In high school, and middle school, and elementary school, and early childhood, when we hear NO, we can ask WHY and expect a decent response.

Then college admissions season comes and we get all these NOs and take them as indicators of failure or flaws in our personhood. We don’t get a WHY along with our NO, so we come up with our own WHYs that often just make us feel terrible

I take issue with the “WHY don’t they WANT me?” line of thought for several reasons, but I think Jessica (an actual admissions employee who reads applications and stuff) covers it beautifully here.

Of course, I’m giving this advice from my cushy spot as an MIT undergrad. I get why that might make my words seem empty. Obviously my life is set up to be perfect, I’ll get any job I want, I’ll make so much money, and everyone respects and admires me. Unfortunately, being self-aware is probably the only area in which I truly excel, because it doesn’t seem like I’m that good at getting jobs, making money, or having a GPA that anyone can respect. I’ve spent at least 24 hours of my “off” time applying for summer internships, and of the 20+ gigs I applied to, I got one offer, six rejections via email,⁠and who knows how many companies I’ve applied to that haven’t even taken the time to tell me NO. I would love to know what about my application puts me in the reject pile! I want my applications graded with a red pen and assigned a grade so that I can numerically compare myself to other people who applied to the job!

For some people, college admissions will be the first time that they will feel that sting of rejection, an uncompromising NO hidden among the platitudes of “We had a very competitive applicant pool this round…” and “While we wish that we could offer everyone a spot, unfortunately…”

But you’ll get used to it eventually. In the wise words of blogger colleagues and comrades Nisha and Kathleen.