孩子成功的秘密是什么？| Grit-the secret to making our kids successful

作为父母，我们会一直思考这样的问题。什么能使我们的孩子取得成功？怎样才能帮助我们的孩子获得实现梦想的能力呢？许多年来，教育家、家长们以及心理学家发现高智商（IQ）是成功人士都具备的特质。IQ，是衡量一个人信息理解速度和能力的指标。IQ越高，越能够在相对短的时间内理解大量信息。当我们回顾历史上最有创造性思维的人物时，比如爱因斯坦或者霍金，他们有两个共同点：高智商和领域内的高成就。但是，新的研究发现智商可能不是决定成功的最重要因素。哈佛心理学家Angela Duckworth走访跨国公司、全国拼字比赛以及顶级中学，想要发现“哪些人最终能够成功？”。结果表明最有力的预测因子不是外貌，不是家庭背景，而是毅力。

什么是毅力（Grit）？

毅力是“对长期目标的持续激情及持久耐力的性格特征”。心理学家对于毅力的定义包括两个部分：1.坚持长期目标的能力。2.克服挫折持续向前的能力

经过无数研究，Duckworth博士发现“天分很重要，毅力更重要”。她的发现可以总结为以下两个公式：

天分x努力=技能

技能x努力=成就

当你有天分，再加上努力，可以获得技能。有了技能，再加上努力，可以取得成就。不付出努力，天分只是未开发的潜能；不付出努力，就没有可能获得技能。这就是为什么毅力更重要。

毅力（Grit）是美国当下最时髦的教育理念。教育家正在努力尝试改变现有的教学方式和教学理念，关注学生毅力的培养而不是填鸭式教育。

启明星学校早已重视通过不同的方式培养学生的毅力。在练习篮球时，如果学生不够努力，他们需要“爬梯子”。“爬梯子”并不是字面上的意思。它指的是学生在篮球场上来回地跑。这样做的意义是什么呢？每个人都有状态不太好的时候，但是不意味着这时候可以放弃努力。启明星关注教导学生学会坚持。为什么呢？因为只要足够热情，足够努力，成功自然而然会到来。启明星致力于磨练和完善学习过程，而不是急功近利地求取眼前结果。

总结一下，研究者发现毅力是成功最有力的预测因子。它帮助学生更好地学习，帮助士兵更好地完成训练，帮助成人更有效地工作和维持婚姻。

那么我们怎样才能帮助孩子们变得更有毅力呢？这就需要面临以下三种挑战。

1、面对新事物的挑战

挑战我们的孩子们跳出舒适区。学习新的东西、新的技能就像是场马拉松，而不是快跑。孩子会有感到焦虑、不适，甚至失望的时候。重要的是帮助孩子们意识到这样的情绪很正常。不屈服于这样的情绪，学会与之和平相处，才能不断进步，直至卓越。怎样运用呢？不断地鼓励孩子进入新的环境。让他们意识到感到焦虑、不适或者失望并不意味着他们应该放弃。具体怎么做呢？您可以每一天给孩子一点挑战。不需要是多么大的挑战，不一定是要报名一项新的体育运动或者新课程。可以是鼓励他第一次自己点餐这样的小事。第一次您的孩子可能会慌乱或者不安，但是当他/她多做几次，就会意识到这些负面情绪只是学习过程中的一部分。重点：每天都让孩子经历一点挑战，以使他/她能够认识并且明白焦虑、不适和失望只是学习的一部分。

2、面对重复的挑战

在Malcolm Gladwell《异类：不一样的成功启示》一书中，一万小时的练习是成为任一领域专家的魔法。许多人认为天才是不适用这一规则的。但是事实却不是这样。就连著名的作曲家和音乐家莫扎特经过至少10年的努力才能写出一首经典曲目，成为我们现在还在听的经典。著名的篮球运动员科比·布莱恩特，每天都要四点半起床，比他的对手们练习更长一段时间。引导孩子意识到成功需要时间，对于他们坚持不懈地努力很重要。明白成功是马拉松而不是快跑很关键。学习如何在不断重复带来的枯燥感中持续努力，是通向成功和卓越的必经之路。重点是要有意识地去练习。只是空喊口号“我要学好数学”没有太大帮助，人需要具体的、可以实施的目标。举一个例子，科比每天都在练习结束前完成（不是凑合）800个跳投。当大多数人谈到努力工作的时候，他们在用花费的时间作为努力工作的标志。“我这周工作了60个小时”。仅仅只是花更多时间（甚至10000个小时）不足以成为最优秀的人。最好的艺术家、音乐家、体育运动员、CEO们以及企业家们不只是工作时间长，他们专注于每一次练习过程。怎样才能运用呢？有意识地去练习。仅仅告诉孩子“你要学好数学”是没有用的，帮助他们树立具体的、可以实施和操作的目标。不管是解100个数学题或者记10个新词，树立规则的目的是帮助孩子们意识到长时间的练习是学习过程的一部分。当然，不是每一天都会发生有趣的事。重要的是关注在学习的过程中，而不是眼前的结果。只要不懈努力，就会成功。

重点：帮助孩子不断练习，意识到成功需要很多小时的积累。（至少需要10000小时）

3. 不断保持希望的挑战

通向卓越的路避免不了失败。犯错在所难免。但是，我们需要帮助孩子们意识到犯错很正常，如果在追逐梦想的过程中，秉承自己能够变得更好的信念并且不断努力，自然而然会不断得到提高。可能不是今天或者明天，但等待是值得的。认为自己的能力有限这种想法会像癌症一样侵蚀生活的方方面面。以为自己的能力是一成不变不仅是错误的，更被证实会对人持之以恒的能力带来损害。我们人类大脑是有可塑性的，也就是说大脑的结构会因为我们的努力和经验而改变。怎样运用呢？我们作为父母，首先需要有毅力。我们要成为孩子们的榜样，身体力行毅力意味着什么，怎样在困境中坚持。孩子们需要明白通过努力和全身心的投入，任何事都有可能。我们可以通过言语不断传达这一信念，挣脱限制，对孩子们说“只要努力，没有什么不可能”而不是“这不可能”或者“我永远也不可能达到那样的水平”。重点：帮助孩子专注于“通过努力，可以提高”的信念，而不是错误以及负面的信念。

毅力是热情和耐力的结合体。毅力需要发现热情所在，并且持之以恒地为之努力。正如我们所说，坚持是可以教导的。但是热情是教不了的。 为什么呢？简单来讲，热情是假装不了的。热情是被激发的，不是学来的。作为家长，重要的是帮助我们的孩子不断经历不同的人和事，直到他们发现自己的热情所在。

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As parents, we all have one question on our minds. What makes children successful? How can we ensure that our children have the ability to achieve their dreams?

For many years, educators, parents, and psychologists identified intelligence quotient (IQ) as the greatest variable in successful people. IQ, is a measure of one’s speed and capacity to comprehend and understand information.Those with higher IQ scores tend to be able to comprehend large amounts of information in short amounts of time. When we look at some of the brightest minds in all of history, such as Albert Einstein or Stephen Hawking, they all seem to have two things in common: a high IQ and tremendous success in their field of study.However, new research suggests that IQ may not be the greatest factor in determining success. Harvard psychologist Angela Duckworth went around to multinational businesses, national spelling bees, and top-high schools with one question: “Which individuals would end up succeeding?” The greatest correlational variable was not physical looks, nor was it family background, it was grit.

What is Grit?

Grit is “perseverance and passion for long-term goals”The psychological definition of grit contains two components:1. The ability to stick to long-term goals2. The ability to keep going despite adversity

In study after study, Duckworth found that “where talent counts once, effort counts twice”.TALENT x EFFORT = SKILLSKILL x EFFORT = ACHIEVEMENT

When you apply effort to talent, you get skill. When you apply effort to skill, you get achievement.Without effort, talent is merely untapped potential. Without effort, skill is something you could have done, but never did. That is why grit counts twice, and that is why it is important.Grit is already a hot topic in the United States. Educators are rushing to alter their teaching methods and philosophies to focus more on grit instead of trying to insert information into students’ minds.Daystar has already began emphasizing many of these elements to grow grit in various ways. In basketball practice, if students are not working hard, they are required to do “ladders”. Don’t let the name fool you. Ladders are when students repeatedly run back and forth across a field. The philosophy behind this exercise? Everyone has days where their performance may not be the best, but this does not mean we stop putting in effort. Daystar is focused on teaching perseverance. Why? Because results always follow once there is enough passion and perseverance. Daystar aims to hone and perfect the process, rather than opting for immediate results.To reiterate, grit is the greatest predictor of success that researchers have found. It helps kids do better in school, soldiers follow through with demanding military training, and adults succeed in work and stay in marriages.

How do we instill more perseverance into our children? These are 3 challenges to instill perseverance into your child.

1. Challenge of the New 

Challenge your children to come out of their comfort zones. Learning something, or getting better at a craft, is a marathon, not a race.  There will be moments where you may feel anxiety, discomfort, or even disappointment.The key is teaching your children that these emotions are normal. To not shy away from them, but rather, embrace the process in learning and striving after excellence.How do we practically instill this?Constantly Expose your children to new environments. Let them understand that anxiety, discomfort, or disappointment does not mean they should quit or give up. What exactly does this look like? You can present new challenges to your child every single day. It does not necessarily mean signing up for that new sport or class. It can be something as simple as allowing him or her to order food at a restaurant for the first time. Your child may get flustered or nervous, but the more he or she does it, he or she will know that this is simply apart of the process.The key? Challenging your child with new environments everyday so that he or she recognizes and understands that feeling anxiety, discomfort, or disappointment is simply apart of the learning process.

2. Challenge of the Same 

In Malcolm Gladwell’s book, Outliers, he illustrates that 10,000 hours is the magic number to become an expert at any field. A lot of people think that geniuses are excluded from this rule. However, that is not the case at all. Even renowned musician Mozart had to work for at least 10 years before he produced any of his most popular pieces, the ones that we listen to still even to this day. Famous basketball athlete, Kobe Bryant, wakes up at 4:30 AM every day to get extra workouts in comparison to his competition.Teaching children that success takes time is an important part of growing perseverance. Being aware that success is a marathon, not a race, is critical. Learning to do things well, despite boring repetition, is apart of the process towards success and excellence.When most people talk about working hard, they use the amount of time they worked as an indication of how hard they worked. “I worked 60 hours this week! Simply working a lot (even if it is 10,000 hours over the course of your career) is not enough to make you a top performer.  The best artists, musicians, athletes, CEO’s, and entrepreneurs do not simply work a lot, they focus lots of hard effort and work towards deliberate practice.How do we practically apply this? Instill deliberate practice! Instead of telling your child “to get better at math”, help them set up purposeful, specific, and manageable goals. Whether it is 100 math problems, 50 push-ups, or 10 new words, instilling the discipline of deliberate practice, aims to help your children understand that these long hours, are part of the process. Obviously, not every single day will go amazingly or be perfect. Understand that everyday will not be amazing. Rather, what’s important is to keep focusing on the process, instead of the short-term results. If you work on this craft for long enough, you will master it.Key: Help your children deliberately practice, constantly being aware that success requires a lot of hours (at least 10,000 to be exact).

3. Challenge to Hope 

The process towards excellence is inevitably going to involve failure.  It will involve mistakes. However, we need to help our children understand that mistakes are normal. If you go after your goals with the belief that you can do better, and if you work hard at things, then naturally improvement will follow. It may not be today or tomorrow, but it is far worth the wait.Limiting beliefs about your abilities can be cancerous. Falsely believing that your abilities are fixed is not only wrong but can prove to be incredibly damaging to one’s ability to persevere. Our brains are not like formed rocks, but more like plastic, something that can be reshaped through effort and experience.How do we practically instill this? We As parents, we need to be gritty. We need to be our children’s role models of what it means to have grit, to persevere in the face of adversity. We need to teach our children that anything is possible through hard work and dedication. We can teach this belief to our children by continuous verbal reinforcement such as, “Through hard work things and you will both improve”, and by removing limiting beliefs such as, “This is impossible” or “I’ll never get this”.Key: Help your children focus on the belief that “through hard work, improvement will happen” and remove false and negative beliefs.

Grit is a combination of passion and perseverance. Grit is about finding something that you are passionate about, and learning how to work hard and persevere towards it. Now perseverance, as we have stated, could be something you teach. But passion is unteachable. Why? Simply put, you cannot fake passion. Passion is caught, not taught. The key is exposing our children to various different people and experiences so that they can find something that they can become passionate.