【雅思作文批改】6.5分：注意连词的使用~

作文题目：

作文内容：

The line chart illustrates   the change of U.S energy consumption by fuel from the period of 1980 to 2030.

It was petrol and oil that   remained the highest source during all the period with a 1.5 times increase   from 35 units in 1980 to the projected number, around 50 units, in 2030. The   second largest energy consumption came from coal and natural gas. The figure   for the consumption were around 20 units for both items in 1980 after which   saw significant growths, despite some fluctuations, in coal and natural gas   when they reached the same level (about 23 units) in the year of 2015. After   that, coal consumption is estimated to show upward trend continually to 30   units while that of natural gas remains stable at lower than 25 units.

Nuclear,  solar\wind and hydropower were the least   popular energy source   [b1] though their sales rose   slightly during this period. The consumption for them stood at approximately   4 units in 1980, before nuclear sales ascending all the period until reaching   a little under 10 units. It followed by solar\wind, which increased with little   fluctuation and is projected to maintain steady at 5 units from 2015 to 2030.   Hydropower showed the same pattern though its number [b2] is lower than that of   solar\wind.

In conclusion, the energy   consumption from fossil fuel accounts for major sources and rose dramatically   while clean energy was   [b3] maintain [b4] a low level with slight   increase.

[b1]sources

[b2]consumption number

[b3]去掉

[b4]maintained

各项细评：

针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：

需要加入适当连词，让句与句间逻辑更好，此外最后一段可以提及对未来的预测趋势。

给出解决方案：

注意小错误，继续努力。

附批改原图：

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